just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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