the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
