i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
