census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
