Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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