forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wear drunk well.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
