Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
