Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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