yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
