One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
