Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
