I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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