All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
