Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
