I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
