everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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