i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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