Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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