Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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