i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bring me that man meat
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize