So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
