I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
