he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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