I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
