oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
