her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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