i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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