I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize