Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
