Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
well you can't waste a boner
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
