Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
