i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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