take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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