you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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