Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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