i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
