Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
