How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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