hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
