Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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