even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
