He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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