omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
