I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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