I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I fill condoms, not promises.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
