how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were trust falling into bushes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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