My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
