He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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