New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
