I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
