just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
