Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
