Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
