So drunk its hurt
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
