I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
