dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
