yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
