is your mom at the bar?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
