If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
