Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
