I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
