So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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