can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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