You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
