I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
