I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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