Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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