Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
