i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
