also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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