Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
