We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cannot find my penis.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
